Bullying: Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening. -Bullying no way! (https://bullyingnoway.gov.au/WhatIsBullying/DefinitionOfBullying)
TW: This post will be discussing depression, bullying, school situations, threats, self harm, childhood trauma, slurs, manipulation, religion, sexual assault and real experiences. This is not to be taken as a professional opinion as i am not a professional. This is more of a recount of my past experiences to help others feel less alone.
This is a hard topic for me to write about because i am going into detail about some of my very personal experiences. Last time i tried to even mention it without any detail i was hit with another wave of threats and messages from some people who bullied me in the past. I am writing this for my own closure, to show others they are not alone, and to raise awareness about the awful thing that often get ignored. If you have bullied me in the past and a reading this to try and start 'drama' or get in a fight, i will not hesitate to take this to the police. I have dealt with this in silence for too long. I have a voice and i will use it.
Due to my mental health, i don't actually remember much of my primary school experience. I moved around a lot but i always had at least 3 friends at each school i attended. I was picked on a little bit and some schools where better at dealing with it than others. It was always just 'normal' kid stuff. Nothing major that i can recall.
Then came high school. I started 'School A' with a lot of primary school friends. We would all meet up and catch the bus together from our old primary school. The first day was an average first day, the typical awkwardness and not knowing where to go. Then came every day after that. I couldn't get to the bus stop in the morning without crying. Then when on the bus i would be abandoned by all my previous school friends and have to sit alone. Once at school i would be left alone by those who i thought i knew, and no one in my classes would even look at me. Then came the bus ride home. I lived far away from the school and had to catch 2 buses. It would be 2 hours of travel. Because i was alone, the older kids took this as an opportunity to shove me around, call me names and make fun of me. So i stopped staying at school for the whole day just so i wouldn't have to catch the bus home. After 2 weeks it was too much. My anxiety had grown to an unmanageable level and i couldn't go a day without a panic attack. So i left.
Now comes 'School B'. Worst years of my life and that's a bold statement form someone with childhood trauma. Since starting at this school i had issues. From literally no friends, to friends who would manipulate me, to death threats after leaving an abusive relationship. But i'm getting a head of myself. I have some letters from when i attended this school and was writing to the principal begging for help. Needless to say, she never did anything about this abusive behavior. I will sum up the letters and replace names. I would just leave out names completely but it will be harder to follow and understand what was going on.
ALL NAMES ARE CHANGED (just googled baby names)
Year 7
- Became friends with the main girls responsible for the bullying. Kiara, Ella, Anna, Chloe and Rachel.
- Was harassed daily about my religious stance by Kiara and Ella.
- Kiara physically bullied me, dragged my around by my hair, hit me, kicked me and shoved me around.
- Kiara said this on several occasions 'you are such a b*tch and should kill yourself"
- Shaved my head for cancer foundation and couldn't even go the bathroom without being laughed at or be told 'the guys bathroom is that way'
Year 8
-Kiara would call me stupid and make fun of my grades in-front of the class.
-Ella and Kayla (new girl), would make fun of me daily and began to cyber bully me too.
- Remained friends with only two of the girls, Anna and Chloe.
- Was made aware that Ella, Kayla, Kiara and Anna had told other members of their church about me and making me out to be an awful person. I was then called 'the devil' and 'Satan'.
-Bullied physically by a new guy Ethan (he slammed my head on a desk, pushed me over, pulled my hair and slapped me)
-Ethan told me to 'go kill yourself'
Year 9
-Began having meeting with the principal on a regular basis about the bullying from Kiara as it was getting worse every day,
-Got into a relationship with Anna until Ella began to say i was corrupting her and 'turning her to the devils ways' by being in a gay relationship.
-had several fall outs with Anna as a result
-Constant death threats from Kiara 'if you don't do it i will find someone to do it for you' (referring to me killing myself or someone killing me).
-More harassment about religion from Ella and Kayla. Cyber-bullying and being send religious documents telling me that my beliefs are evil.
-being blackmailed and told my mental health is a lie by everyone in the group
-Kayla, Edward, Ella, and Anna told me 'just go die already, it will be better without you'
Year 10 (final year at 'school b')
-Stopped contact with Ella and Kayla
-got into a relationship with a guy called Issac
-he sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused me for 8 months
-finally left the relationship
-began getting bullied about my mental health by people i didn't even know.
-Chloe stopped all contact with me after calling me 'a selfish b*tch', 'liar', 'attention seeker' etc. because i left the relationship and spoke up about what happened to me.
-received messages via facebook, instagram, viber, text, playstation network and even emails blaming me for leaving the relationship, calling me a liar about the abuse and mental health, telling me to kill myself or leaving actual death threats. 'i know people who will get rid of you', 'remember we know where you live', 'we have some friends who know how to deal with people' and other disgusting messages
-began self harming really badly
-refused to go back to school since early November and school didn't stop til mid December.
-bumped into someone outside of school and she said 'try not to kill yourself' laughed in my face and walked away
-Had no friends
-Rumors spread online that i cheated on Issac and that's the reason we broke up and that i'm 'nothing more than a cheating sl*t'
So i left 'School B' and never looked back. I have left out a lot of other incidents that where smaller because this post would last forever but i think you get the point. I couldn't start 'School C' for a while. i eventually started mid February of the of the following year. Had the occasional fight or fall out but wasn't told to die daily so it was a massive improvement. I would still get messages despite the fact i left 'school b' and i occasionally still get them now. 3 years later.
This shows that bullying can follow you. I haven't seen these people in 3 years, yet they see nothing better to do than try to upset or hurt me.
I wanted to write about this because it is still something that effects me daily. I have DID and PTSD from childhood and these later traumas are not helping make that any easier to deal with. At least i don't remember my childhood, but i remember this. I cant really go a day without either thought, emotion or flashback about the bullying. That is another reason i wanted to write this. Just because the physical situation is different and you are safe from any danger, doesn't meant that the mental damage isn't felt every single day.
If you are going through something similar or have been through bullying before, please try to remember that you are not alone. So many people get bullied daily. Its sad and wrong, but its true. There will be people going through the same thing and hopefully you can talk to them one day and know that you are not the one at fault. Its is not your fault that someone chose to bully you. You did nothing wrong and you don't deserve this. No one deserves this.
Something that really hurt me is that i reached out to everyone i could, even people who didn't know me or the situation. I tried so hard to find someone to be my friend through all this and no one would stand by me. I was brave enough to ask people for help and i got nothing, and people wonder why others don't speak up. If someone tells you they are going through something or just need a friend, just try to be a decent human being and help them out. Take them to the counselor, sit with them at lunch, invite them to meet your friend group, just make them know that they are not alone.
Here i will leave some resources for you to check out that discuss bullying. I hope you find them helpful.
THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE.
I have a series of these posts where i talk about my experiences with various topics and if you don't like what i have to say then don't bother reading these posts. I have a right to have my say on what goes on in my own life. I am working towards breaking the stigmas around mental health and the best way to do that is to normalize talking about it. If you have a problem with me then just don't look at what i do. Thank you.
Thank you so much for supporting me and i hope you are doing okay in these difficult and uncertain times. sending all my love to you.
Jen xx
disclaimer: due to the nature of this post i will not be promoting it the way i usually do. It will be on my instagram story for 24hrs and that is all. Thank you for understanding.
