24 hours in my day.
23 times I washed my hands this afternoon because that voice was back.
22 individual tears wiped from my cheeks when the thoughts got too loud.
21 seconds where I wasn't anxious about something.
20 times I convinced myself I wasn't worthy of love in this life.
19 times I thought about the end and wanted to do it.
18 fake smiles to avoid the 'are you okay?' questions.
17 trips to the freezer to make sure it's closed, it was.
16 thought spirals happening at once.
15 forced yawns to attempt to reset my nervous system.
14 reasons i can't smile anymore.
13 guesses at what rare disease I believe will kill me this time.
12 times I lied about being happy.
11 sighs when I can't control my thoughts.
10 second out-breathes to decrease the carbon dioxide in my lungs.
9 trauma responses activated when I talk to anyone about anything.
8 hours of drug induced sedation.
7 minutes in denial that I'm even sick at all.
6 old prescriptions in my cupboard.
5 crying-meltdowns under my blanket.
4 pills I take at night to maintain this level of insanity.
3 times I should have been nicer to people.
2 eyes sore from salty waves of emotion.
1 day in my mind.
I write this poem to help with the perspective of 24 hours and these intense emotions being temporary. These 24 hours will pass, and the next 24 will pass too. Everyone will spend their 24 hours differently. This is how I spend mine.
I hope you enjoyed reading. I'll be back with more soon.
Jen xx
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