THIS IS A CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC! IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!
Some of the examples that I use in this post could be triggering for some readers.
Something that gets thrown around the mental health community and outside the community is whether or not someone is genuine in what they are experiencing. To simplify this, are they faking? This is something that I have personally dealt with within and outside of the mental health community, mainly in relation to if I do or do not have DID.
To clarify, I am diagnosed with DID, Depression, Complex PTSD, anxiety and somatic symptom disorder. A list of my current diagnosed conditions can always be found in the bio of my instagram account @diaryofapsycho. (I shouldn't have to do this but I choose to so that its easier for people to see).
Nearly everyone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder will have experienced denial at some point, and will also have experienced people not believing them. This inturn makes the denial worse and confuses the reality of the person dealing with this condition. Im not here to talk about denial and will leave that there.
If someone comes to you and tells you that they have ANY MENTAL ILLNESS, they are opening themselves up to you and telling you something very personal. They do not need to tell you or anyone else about their medical history and that includes mental health. They have decided that they trust you enough to tell you something completely private. You have no right in knowing this information, despite if you are a parent, family member, friend, partner, or literally anyone, you have no right to this information. If someone tells you that they have any mental disorder and you tell them you don't believe them, that they are lying, that they just want attention, or that they have a great life, you need to take a good look at yourself. IF YOU ARE NOT THEM HOW CAN YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE EXPERIENCING.
If someone tells you they have a trauma related disorder such as, PTSD, DID, OSDD, etc; they are also telling you that they have experienced trauma. They are telling you that they are struggling and letting you know something that you could even use against them. I personally have had people manipulate me and abuse me by using my main triggers to their advantage. I personally have had people tell me that I haven't been through enough to have trauma disorders. And I personally have been called a liar.
These things are not only hurtful but invalidating. You are saying that because you think what I went through wasn't 'bad enough' that I can be experiencing what I am. There is so much wrong with that. Firstly, in order to have DID you must have had Childhood Trauma. An adult with no mental imparenet has a very different point of view when it comes to what is traumatic, compared to that of an abused child. Just because if what someone went through isn't 'bad enough' to you in your current mental state and age, doesn't mean it was seen the same by a child going through it. Another thing is that everyones brains function differently, yes we all have the same basic functions but in regards to reactions, responses, past experiences, opinions, and emotions, we are all very different. Just because you like peanut butter sandwiches, doesn't mean someone with anaphylaxis to nuts will feel the same way. Another thing that makes this wrong is that you where not there. You can not say that something did or didn't happen if you where not physically there experiencing it for yourself. This is something that a lot of people seem to struggle with. If someone has been brave enough to share their trauma story with you and you say 'that isn't true', 'they wouldn't do that', 'but I know the person who you are talking about and they wouldn't even think of doing that', 'you are lying that never happened', or anything along those lines, you, in my opinion, are just as bad as the abuser because you are defending them and belittling their actions. I feel very strongly about this because not only have I been through this but others that I know and care about have been through this.
DID is one of those disorders that often gets overlooked by most medical professionals as its either, too complex, they lack the training, the stigma is too consuming, or they simply are ignorant to its validity. DID is in the DSM-5. This is the diagnostic criteria for all mental conditions and is what doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose patients. The disorder is real and effects the same amount of people as the number of people with red hair! Because this disorder is wrongly ignored by a wide section of medical professionals a lot of people end up self diagnosing. This is another controversial topic within the mental health community.
Self diagnosing with 'simpler' things like depression, bipolar, anxiety, paranoia, phobias, etc, should be avoided at all costs to avoid giving yourself the wrong label and preventing recovery. For example you could self diagnose with depression but you actually have bipolar. It is just important to get professional help to work out what is actually going on. But when dealing with being unable to access the specialist services and support you need due to finance, location, family, or other issues out of your control, there is nothing that you can really do then try to figure it out yourself. I was self diagnosed for a few years and receive so much hate from people within the mental health community and those in my real life. This made me feel like no one would listen to me or even wanted to. This made my depression escalate and I felt the most alone that I have ever felt.
Now I am not in anyway saying that those who self diagnose depression, anxiety, or anything like that, are faking. What I am sayings that it is best for them to seek medical help and get the correct diagnosis (if possible). It is much easier for 'simple' disorders to ve diagnosed as they are more common and accepted in the medical field. If you self diagnose with DID you could still be dealing;ing with something else and just haven't found out what it is but chances are that is you think at any point 'im making this up', then you are in fact dealing with what you say that you are. At the end of the day, the doctor you see and their opinion on your trauma and condition, do not make it more or less valid.
I personally have all my conditions diagnosed now but that doesn't mean that only now are they valid. They where always valid and I was always experiencing them. I got diagnosed with DID last year, does that mean I didn't have it until then? Absolutely not! DID is developed in childhood, meaning I had it from when I was about 6 years old. The point is that as long as you are trying to get help and are working towards recovery, there is no harm in self diagnosing or not self diagnosing.
Another thing I would like to say in regards to this topic is that just because a doctor says 'I don't think you have x, y, z' doesn't mean that you defiantly don't. No one can tell you what you are experiencing isn't real. You may not have found the right doctor or therapist but trust me, they are out there and they will listen to you.
Now, lets address something else that is often seen as 'okay' for people to do. Trying to figure out if someone is faking a disorder. I have said this before and I will say it again. IF YOU ARE NOT THEM HOW CAN YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE EXPERIENCING. You may think to yourself, 'but when they do this its not like this', or 'they said this but they should say this', or 'but the symptoms are this and they do this', or anything like that but that fact is that what someone else is experiencing is none of your buisness and you should not go out pf your way to make them feel worse about an illness that effects them every single day. An example of what im talking about: "Well my cousin has depression and he doesn't self harm, so you are only doing that for attention", "I have seen DissociaDID and their switches are different to yours so you are fake", "When I have a panic attack I sweat a lot and you don't so you are lying", or even "Your suicide attempt didn't work so you just attempted so people would care about you". These are all delusional things to say to someone and how dare you make them doubt themselves for a second because you are to ignorant and self centred to just take their word for something that they are struggling with. No one has the right to tell someone else that what they are living through and experiencing isn't real.
Think of it like this: Someone tells you that they have epilepsy. A physical condition, that you cant see. Are you going to say "well I've never seen you have a seizure so I don't believe you", or "you seem fine to me, you must be looking for attention". NO YOU WOULDN'T BECAUSE ITS A SERIOUS CONDITION THAT IMPACTS THEIR LIFE! And what are mental illnesses? SERIOUS CONDITIONS THAT IMPACT YOUR LIFE!
Just because someone has different experiences to you doesn't give you permission to tell them they are fake, a liar, attention seeking, invalid, or weak. You are not them and can not begin to understand what they have gone through.
To those of you out there dealing with these kinds of comments and judgements, let me tell you something. If something is real to you, then it is real. Your experiences and trauma are real. Your feelings and emotions are real. Your difficulties and hardships are real. You are real.
I am sorry if any of this was triggering for some of you, I am just very passionate about this and feel that it needs to be spoken about more because of how wrongly people with mental illnesses get treated just because people won't believe them.
TW AHEAD, READ WITH CAUTION:
To finish this post I would like to tell you something that has happened to me due to thing like this. On the 27th of Jan 2020, I was taken to hospital with suicidal thoughts and ideation after receiving more messages from people I dot even know, telling me that I lied about not only my mental conditions, but some trauma that I had gone through. The messages that I continue to receive from over 2 years ago are nothing short of disgusting and horrific. The fact that I ended up in hospital of this just shows how powerful and manipulative words can be and you should never tell someone that what they are going through isn't real because it can really mess with their head and make them loose sight of how far they have come. Just think before you type or say.
TW over
Thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting me and what I try to do for this community. I wish you all the best and I hope that this post was helpful. For more information of this topic you can watch these YouTube videos:
Keep smiling and thanks for reading,
Jen x
Also this is the longest post I have written but I feel that it is important to talk about this topic and there is much more I could have said but didn't want it to be a novel.
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