So, yesterday I had a psychology appointment and I got the results back for possible diagnoses. I have been going through the process of figuring out what was going on in my mind for approximately 3 years and to finally have some answers is such a relief and just makes me feel like I no longer have to hold on and wait for the official label.
I have Generalised and Social Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, and now, DID.
Being told that what I am going through is 'normal' and I'm going to be getting the right support to help me in my healing process is just amazing and I can't tell you when I have ever felt more relieved. DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder and use to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. This disorder means to me that: I have more than 2 distinct identities that are able to come forward in times of stress (or whenever really) and are developed due to childhood trauma and are the minds way of separating memories and emotions as a coping strategy.
Dissociation occurs when you zone out of reality and, I guess, go inside yourself for comfort, safety or due to positive or negative triggers. While dissociated memories may be altered or 'hidden', identities may switch, parts of your body or surroundings can feel imaginary or not there at all, vision can become blurred, dizziness and headaches are basically a guarantee, loosing track of time, feeling like you are someone else or no-one at all, emotions become abnormal, anxiety may heighten, amnesia is possible, flashbacks of past trauma could arise and so many other symptoms.
I spoke to my therapist about treatment paths and we will be focusing on getting all the different alters (identities) to work as a team and be less of a disturbance in everyday life. Nightmares will be 're-scripted' into happy dreams, safe places (inside the mind) will be established, coping strategies for triggers will be tested, and, eventually EMDR therapy could be an option.
I am happy to finally be on this road to recovery but I do know that it will be difficult and time consuming. I am willing to try everything that I can to make my day to day functioning as easy as possible, while maintaining the alters and keeping myself happy.
This was just a little update on what is happening for me right now and I hope you all have an amazing day :)
(Please remember that I am not a professional and if you need further information or your own support, I have links in my 'HELP' page)
Comments