I have wanted to post about this for a little while as it is a question that gets thrown around the mental health community a lot. Does DID change your gender or sexuality? The short answer is no, but in this case short answers aren't good enough. This post will be discussing alters of different genders and sexualities and the mess of confusion that comes with those things. If any of this content could be triggering I highly suggest that you click away or read with someone else.
Just like normal people, alters come in all different types. You could be a straight male one day, and a non-binary pansexual the next, (obviously switches are more complex than being one thing and changing to anther but you get the picture). We as humans are all different and alters work the same way. So, what if the host/original/core or whatever it may be in your case, is a straight female, with a gay male, bisexual female, asexual dinosaur, pansexual gender fluid, non-conforming fairy and lesbian female, alters all sharing the same body?!?!?!
You by default are NOT any less valid as a straight female (or whatever) no matter your alters!!!!
I found that as I was discovering alters but not understanding them correctly, I questioned my gender and sexuality more and more everyday. I felt more gay on some days than others and completely straight other times. I know know that when alters are co-con or close to front that their traits and thoughts occasionally mesh with mine and that is why I was so confused. I went nearly a whole year thinking that I was lesbian and even came out to people around me, when I was simply confusing myself with the other alters closest to me! I was so confused about my gender for about 3 years before I realised that others where influencing me and my thoughts!
It took me approximately 4 and 1/2 years to work everything out but I know that it can take so much longer than that. In my opinion, I got lucky. I learned to communicate better (and I'm still learning) with the system and talk about these things with the others. I am a pansexual female and I always have been. To my knowledge my system has 2/3 genders and 5 sexualities! Others systems could have more or less depending on the individual and their circumstances. Just because you have so many or so little types of gender and sexualities does not make you any less valid or important.
Whilst I now know about majority of my alters sexuality and all their genders, I know how scary and confusing it can be while you are still trying to figure everything out so here are some tips for someone on the other side:
1. Don't force alters to talk about these topics or any topics in general! they may not be ready to share such personal information with you or other system members and it is important to respect this.
2. Do not expect a clear or exact answer as you may not get that. Sometimes, just like normal people, alters can be confused about these aspects of themselves and that is completely fine.
3. If they come to you trying to discuss these issues then listen and accept whatever it is they tell you as it takes a lot of courage to talk about these personal details and they must trust you a lot to even bring it up.
4. NEVER assume that you know an alters gender better than they do!!!
5. Ask questions that they are comfortable answering as this shows that you are interested and actually care about what they are going through and how they are feeling.
6. Talk to them about your personal concerns and don't be afraid to share information about your own gender and sexuality when you are ready. This may help the other alters feel at ease with the topic and encourage them to speak up.
Something that I wish to leave with you all today is that it is okay to identify with whatever gender or sexuality that you feel is right for you. Don't feel pressured to be someone or something that you are not as you will only hurt yourself in doing that. There are so many people out there who care about you and your alters so please reach out to someone if you are struggling with these issues and get the support you need and deserve because no one should be brave alone. Visit the help section of my site for helplines and professional support if you feel you need it and I hope that this helped you.
Love you guys so much!
Jen xx
*I am not a profesional*
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