Below is a written piece summarising last year for me. This was actually an exercise my therapist gave me to do. I debated posting for so long because it's very personal, however I am still so proud of not only the writing itself, but also the context of what I've gone through. So in risk of sharing too much, I'm publishing this piece here. Enjoy haha.
January was filled with blind faith. That this year would be different for her. She'd get engaged, go to shows, experience new things, save for a house deposit, and everything will work out for her.
February, her life changed forever. She boarded a plane for the first time since she was 15. It was months of practice, but she did it. Seen Sydney for the first time, and Taylor Swift for the fourth. Those 3 days would change her in ways she never imagined. Upon arriving home she called it off with the guy who she had planned a whole life with. He was still cheating on her. She didn't cry for him this time. Like, she knew it had to happen. Instead she promised herself she would get better.
March was about picking up the broken pieces and figuring out how to rebuild a different life. One without him. She was scared, but she was empowered. She began going on first dates for the first time as an adult. She was excited. She was hopeful.
April brought new friendships and self discovery. She never had a group of friends. Now she did. Avoided the house at all costs. Couldn't bare to be there with his things in the spare room.
May was for nee beginnings with someone new. This was different. She never felt so loved so fast. She was enjoying life in ways she never expected, with someone who just got it. He got it... right?
June was the final countdown. The guy she left in February would take everything from the unit they shared and leave her without a couch, kitchen appliances, and even the handsoap. She had nothing, but she was free.
July and August started to blend together. She invited the new guy to move in. A little too soon in hindsight. Their life was beautiful. With so much love, trust, and passion. She felt seen, heard, and cared for. She turned 23 and he met all the friends she had. She felt like everything had worked out. This was it.
September was the worst. She got more unwell. The thoughts were winning. She felt like she was drowning and everyone was just watching it happen. It scared him, the new guy. He wasn't ready. Said she was "too much". Said he didn't want a girlfriend in the psych ward. She was placed on suicide watch. And he left. She was alone.
October brought the most change that she'd ever experienced. She tried new pills, new friends, new job, new dates, new house, new tattoo, and a new outlook. Not a good outlook. She saw the world as out to get her. Her diagnosis as a death wish. And her life as pointless. But hey, she got Halloween... She went back to him.
November she would continue to try new dates, like trying on clothes. But he was there in the background. She hoped that he'd change his mind. Want to try again. If she just got better, maybe he would love her. And wouldn't leave. She knew it was wrong, and stupid, and she was ashamed. Ashamed that she knew he was using her, yet she didn't mind as long as she could see him. She'd laugh when they were together, and cry herself to sleep when he left.
December was when she decided enough was enough. He was hurting her and he knew it. This was wrong. She started to want to get better for herself. Not for someone else. She is hopeful again. She can throw this year away, but keep the lessons she has learnt. And start again. So, maybe she didn't get engaged, or save for a house. But she survived.
This is a bit different to my other creative writing pieces. Thank you o much for your time. Let's hope for a better year in 2025!
Thank you x
Jen xx
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