Okay, I have no idea why but since I woke up this morning my mind has been all over the place. The alters are getting louder by the minute and it's very difficult for me to do anything. Normally when I get this 'out of it' it's because something has happened to trigger my PTSD or its a bad anxiety day; but I'm feeling fine in myself its just my thoughts and sense of self that are all over the place.
I feel very switchy and not like I should be feeling. My full on switches use to be about 3 times a day but have now dropped to once or twice a week. I am co-conscious pretty much everyday with at least one alter but being so dissociated that I can't even function properly barely happens now as I have learnt to control myself better.
To someone who doesn't know what this feels like the best way that I can explain it is that its like your head is all foggy or like tv static and through the empty buzz of that you can hear voices that aren't yours or anyone you physically know. Eventually you know 'who' the voices are and get use to it and they provide sense of comfort within the static. On a normal day this is kept to a minimal and you can hear voices every now and then but on a fuzzy day the static is loud and real. Its like you are trapped in your own head and can't see the real world properly or interact with it as you normally would.
Of course this is just my experience with dissociation and it differs from case to case but that is the best way that I can put what I'm going through into words. Writing all this out is helping to keep me aware and alert rather than just letting the noice and sensations take over me. I started this blog not only for the positive and helpful posts but also to document my thoughts and help stay clear headed. Trying to keep concise and in control is something that gets very difficult on days like this but I have found that writing helps to keep my mind distracted and safe.
If you are completely unfamiliar with this disorder please do not speak false rumours about it or its suffers. Do your research and find out for yourself what is occurring and you will understand a little more. Calling people crazy or delusional is damaging and helps no one. This post was solely to help myself stay aware.
Sorry for bad gramma or spelling I read over this a few times but I am still really dissociated.
Stay safe,
Jen x
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