If you, or someone you know, has DID you have probably heard the term 'inner world'. This post will be discussing some of the aspects of what an inner world is, how they work, why they where formed, and how they can change. It is always important to remember that this is a serious topic as it surrounds trauma. This isn't make believe or imagination, this is the reality for those with Dissociative Identity Disorder and should be respected.
We all live in a physical or external world. This is the same for everyone, with or without DID. We can physically touch things and feel things. We can go outside and lay on the grass. We can hold someones hand or pet a dog. Basically, the normal world is tangible. Inner worlds are not.
As you know, DID is a disorder characterised by the existence of more than 2 states of consciousness or alters. An inner world is a place, inside someone with DID's mind, where these different alters can meet up, have conversations, live, and relax. It is an intangible safe place for all parts of a system, and a place to escape to. Every single inner world will be unique, just as every single alter is unique. The traumas, experiences, thoughts, and emotions of the child who developed DID are what impact how the inner world will appear and behave.
Each alter will have a different connection to the inner world just like how different people can have different connections to parts of the real world. Some parts of the inner world may even be hidden or invisible to some of the alters, typically the host, as they can hold memories and emotions linked to trauma. This is all part of the minds way of coping with trauma.
People with DID aren't always aware that they have an inner world. Once alters become more present and the host is aware of their condition, parts of the inner world may begin to show up. These first visions and thoughts about the inner world are most likely to change and develop as more alters appear and you become more aware of the disorder.
My first memory of my inner world was a very dark room. Not even a room, just a space. There where chairs and some dark figures siting there. It was like a meeting room where I was stood infant of these blank people in a bright spotlight. They would just sit there and watch me. I would hear them talking about me, laughing at me, whispering to each other. But I couldn't see who they where. I was terrified to go there. I was scared of them.
This has changed drastically for me now. And I feel it will aways be changing and growing.
Inner worlds don't behave in the same way as our world. Some systems can think of what they need or want and it appear infant of them. Sometimes time passes faster or slower or not at all. Sometimes your appearance may be different. Your age could change. An alter may be stuck in trauma time and going through the same thing on repeat. The isn't usually money or shops or anything like that. Some systems with have one room, others will have a mansion, some may have a different planet, some will have a whole universe, and others could have multiple dimensions. The inner world is a place that your mind created to store, protect and process trauma memories. Everyones trauma is different, so every inner world will be different and act different.
Not all systems will automatically have an inner world. They can develop one with help of a therapist, meditation, a lot of focus, or through new traumas. This also goes for making changes in the inner world.
My inner world consists of a house where each alter has a room of there own, a place called 'the void', a candy shop, and a garden. Each one of these things has a purpose. The house is a place where the alters live together. This allows them to communicate and be together when they are not controlling the body. The void is where I go when I dissociate and am not fronting. I can not get into the house and the alters can not access the void. The candy shop is something I developed with help of my therapist. It is the safest part of the inner world. everything is free and has magic powers that keep us safe. The garden was developed both with a therapist and through meditation. It is a safe meeting place where all the alters including myself, can get together and discuss serious problems to do with the real world. There is no time in my inner world.
This is my world and no one else will have the same set up.
Some inner worlds will have NPCs. If you are a gamer you will know that this meant NONE PLAYABLE CHARACTER. As the name suggests these are people or things that exist in the inner world but are not alters. These can be neighbours, pets, coworkers, family or friends of your alters. My inner world has 2 NPCs that I am currently aware of. These are Henry's pet dinosaur, Max, and Izzy's pet raven, Midnight.
Inner worlds are recognised as part of DID and are mentioned in the following studies and texts:
'The haunted self' by Onno Van Der Hart, Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis and Kathy Steele.
'Dissociation and the dissociative disorders: DSM-V and beyond' (pg.301) by Dell, P.F, and O'Neil, J.A.
'Innerworlds and Dissociative identity disorder' by our dissociated life
For more information you can visit the following links:
You can also view my previous post about inner world here (it goes into less detail):
Remember that I am not a professional and I do this blog to make people with DID feel less alone in this and to help break the stigmas attached to mental illness. I hoped that you enjoyed this post and I hope to have you here for the next one.
Have a wonderful day and keep smiling.
Jen xx
