A common misconception with DID is that all alters will get along and its like having friends in your head. Alters can have arguments, fights, differences, and varying opinions. This can cause a lot of internal conflict that often goes unnoticed by others. Alters can be family, friends, enemies, dating, or have sexual relations with one another. Relationships will be different between each alter and each system.
Each alter will also have different external relationships with the hosts family, friends, partners etc. I will do a post about this in the future. :)
I will now attempt to breakdown the relationships within my system and explain them the best I can haha.
Romantic Relationships
We have one romantic/sexual relationship in the system. This is between Cassy and Mia. Cassy is my caretaker/protector for the system. She looks after the littles and the bodies health. Mia was our main persecutor and also our sexual protector. She was responsible for sexual activities, hanging out with friends and bullied me (Jen) daily. It was like being stuck with one of the typical mean girls from school 24/7. Since being with Cassy, Mia has been able to work through some trauma and has taken a step back from being sexual protector. Her and Cassy are in a healthy and safe relationship.
Family Units
The system has 2 littles, Henry and Zoe. They are twins and best friends. They are the only system members in a family relationship. Cassy acts as a mum to them but isn't actually related to them. Zoe and Henry don't have real parents, that's just not how the inner world works.
Friendships
We are fortunate enough to have a lot of good friendships within the system. These do change overtime though, as normal friendships do. Cassy is friends with the littles, Lucas, and me. Mia is friends with Rose and Vicki. Izzy is friends with Vicki and Josh. Vicki is friends with Josh and Izzy. Henry and Zoe are very close due to them being twins, and they often hang around Cassy and Lucas. Rose is only friends with Mia. Josh is close with Lucas, Izzy, Vicki, and Cassy.
Bad Relationships
Vicki has poor relationships with a lot on people in the system. even those who she is friendly with. She holds a lot of anger and abuse memories. The main alters who she has issues with are Henry, Zoe, Cassy and Lucas.
Poor communication
Not all alters can freely talk to one another. This can be for multiple reasons like, amnesia, trauma, unresolved memories, past experiences or being newly formed. Until recently no one had much communication with Josh. I didn't know anything about him and he wouldn't talk to any of us. Now he is getting more use to the body and being an alter so he is able to talk easier and have actual connections to the rest of us.
We also have a new alter called Rose. Due to he only being formed this year, we still have very very limited communication or connections with her. This will likely improve overtime though.
Its Complicated
Vicki and I have the most complex relationship of them all. She was the first alter I was aware of. My earliest memory of her would be when I was about 6 years old. It is very blurry though but I know that she has been with me the longest. Because of this, she has lived through the most extreme traumas. This has made her hostile and aggressive. Despite her only being 11 years old, she is very scary sometimes and can be destructive. She sees me as her best friend, because she has been with me for so long, but she still blames me for trauma, saying its my fault for not being stronger. Vicki also has a tendency to end external relationships in order to 'protect' me and have me to herself so we can be friends without anyone around. I could honestly do a whole post on our relationship because its so confusing, even for me.
My Relationships
I haven't really classed myself as friends with any of the alters because to me its more like roommates or head mates. We are all here sharing the same mind and body. tis isn't a choice, like friendships are. But doesn't feel like family because I have such a disconnect to what family should be. Its just like we are in the same place and just need to get along best we can. I was scared of Josh, Vicki and Mia for the longest time. Out of everyone, I am probably closest to Lucas. As the host, and being unable to access the full inner world, I tend to separate myself from everyone else. This again could be how I have learned to protect myself through disconnection but I'm not sure.
I will now include a diagram to kinda make this easier to understand.
Hopefully this post wasn't too confusing haha. I really tried to break it down the best I could but just like real relationships, internal relationships are very complex and intense. This might give you a bit more insight into my system and how we communicate. If you have any questions whatsoever just let me know and I will be sure to answer the best I can.
I am not a professional, just someone living with mental illness and wanted to break stigmas. Thank you for reading and I hope to have you back next time.
Jen xx
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