Multiplicity May is a movement for DID/OSDD systems to express themselves and the members of their system in a safe way. This year a post was made with 31 questions for systems to answer the best they can, to help celebrate being multiple. This isnt taking away from DID being the mental disorder that it is, but allowing us to move past that and make the best of a bad situation. People with DID can have good days and funny moments and this is a nice, lighthearted way to talk about the condition without fear of judgement or criticism.
I will be taking this opportunity to respond to all 31 questions and let you know a bit more about what its like living with DID.
1. Innerworlds?
Our inner world consists of 4 main areas. The house, the garden, a candy shop, and 'the void'. All alters have access to the garden and candy shop. I have a post discussing our inner world in more detail: https://diaryofapsychoblog.wixsite.com/home/post/inner-worlds-what-are-they
2.Communication?
We have many forms of communication, they differ from alter to alter in regards to how effective they are. We use to have a system journal where we could leave messages to each-other but come to find that different alters would misplace the journal and it wouldn't be found for months. Now we typically use inner dialogue to talk throughout the day, or will occasionally talk out load with one another. We still leave physical notes when possible.
3.Alter names?
The system currently consists of Jen, Cassy, Lucas, Henry, Josh, Rose, Zoe, Vicki, Izzy and Mia. Our names just came naturally, we didn't choose them but they just kinda always where there. This can differ from system to system though and that is fine. I go by Jen, which is the bodies legal and birth name.
4. Something an alter has made?
Henry, one of our littles, loves to draw. He has recently made a picture of his dinosaur Max, on an Easter card. I can tell when Henry has been out because he always leaves pencils and paper everywhere.
5.Clothing and Makeup?
Clothing is a very easy way to make ourselves feel more comfortable inb the body. For example, Lucas or Josh wouldn't be see wearing a dress or skirt and if we where already dressed in those things they would possibly try to get changed into something more comfortable for them. This inst always possible or necessary, but it can help with making them happier when fronting. This doesn't mean that whenever we switch we change clothes because that would be impractical and unusual, this just means its a possibility. In regards to makeup, only a few system members actually wear it, i am the main makeup user and because i am host, i typically get us ready so we wear it most days.
6. Introjects?
Introjects for us are a difficult topic. we already have a post on that so i will l;eave it here: https://diaryofapsychoblog.wixsite.com/home/post/all-about-introjects
7. Any NPCs?
An NPC is a 'Non-Playable Character', This refers to parts of a system that can not front. We have 2 NPC's currently. Max the T-Rex and Midnight the Raven. They are system pets and this is commonly how NPCs will appear.
8. Meme?
This is one of our favorite DID meme groups: "D.I.D Memes for D.I.D Teams" (on Facebook)
9. Non-Human Alters?
Our system recently got our first Non-Human Alter. This is Rose. She is a hologram type being who lives in a computer. She can leave the computer but only as a hologram-like projection. She is completely pink, her hair, skin, eyes, clothes, etc. We still don't know much about her but know that she developed due to extreme cyber bullying and online threats. Non-Human Alters are the minds way of processing and understanding traumas in a way that take human understanding and reason out of the equation. This can be very disorientating and cause a lot of dissociation and derealisation.
10. Splitting?
What i understand about our splitting is that we had an original split when the body was about 6 years old. This is when the DID developed. At this stage i believe there where 5 of us. When more traumas occurred later on we continued to split and had 9 for a long time. I thought this was all we would have but then early this year we had Rose come around and now we have 10.
11. Face Claims?
12. Religion?
As far as i am aware we have 3 religions alters in our system. Izzy and myself are Wiccan, and Cassy is Christian.
13. Sexuality?
I will let you know the sexuality of those alters that know what they identify with. Jen: Pansexual
Josh: Gay
Cassy: Lesbian
Lucas: Asexual
Mia: Bi
Izzy: Straight
14. Gender Identity?
We all identify as cis gender. Josh, Lucas and Henry are male, while the rest of us are female.
15. Journaling?
As mentioned in this communication section, we use to journal but found this ineffective for our system. I consider this blog as my journal.
16. Coming out?
My immediate family know that i have DID because i go to therapy for it. My friends know about it to an extent, its not really something i am good at talking about yet, because it is trauma related. My partner knows quite a lot and supports us with getting treatment and doing this blog.
17. Switching?
Switching is a very very vulnerable experience for us. It can be quite hard sometimes and very dissociating. Switches can differ from 5 seconds to 12 hours. We can wake up in the morning with a massive switch headache and be front stuck all day until we are literally falling asleep and a switch will finally happen. When we are triggered switches are much faster and harder to notice. This is because the disorder is meant to be hidden for our own safety, in times of danger or when triggered we can revert back to being unaware of switches until trying to recall moments of the day.
18. Favorites?
Not really sure what this means but my favorite colour is Red and my favorite food is chicken sushi haha.
19. Alter Roles?
I have a great post about this and its actually one of my most popular too so go check it out :) : https://diaryofapsychoblog.wixsite.com/home/post/types-of-alters
20. Selfie?
Heyyyyy its me haha
21. Disabilities and disorders?
I will just talk about mine as the other alters aren't actually diagnosed with anything, its more of a self diagnosis thing for them because they aren't the host. I have DID, PTSD, Somatic Symptom Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia.
22. Race, Ethnicity and Language?
We are all white in a white body. I was born in England but live in Australia. I am a citizen of both. We all speak English but i also know a bit of Japanese.
23. Story-time?
Because this post is already extremely long i will leave a link to some funny DID stories that i already have a post dedicated to: https://diaryofapsychoblog.wixsite.com/home/post/did-funny-moments
24. Drawing of an Alter?
Here is a group drawing i did a while ago, as you can see i added Rose at a later date.
25. Relationships?
Romantically, i am the one who gets to have external relationships because i am the longstanding host and don't see that changing. Internally Mia and Cassy are dating. I have more on our relationships here: https://diaryofapsychoblog.wixsite.com/home/post/internal-relationships
26. The Community?
We love that there is such a strong community for systems now. We found that the Instagram community is the best for us and have made many great system friend there including @meetingallofme and @casheelhijacked :)
27. Hate and stigma?
We have been getting hate from before this blog got created. People don't know a lot about this disorder and when you try to explain it they cant always handle it so they will just turn that into more hate. I created this blog because of the lack of understanding around this disorder and mental illness entirely. The reason my blog is called 'Diary of a "psycho"' is because i was labeled as psycho for years and i want to take that back and stop that word being used to describe those with mental illness. I want to do my part in breaking the stigmas around mental health and this blog is the best way for me to do that. In this day and age we all have a powerful voice and i am using mine to hopefully raise some awareness for this disorder.
28. Info and resources?
Some of my favorite resources are:
Coping with Trauma related dissociation- Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart, and Suzette Boon
DSM-V (Diagnostic Criteria used by medical professionals)
Youtube: DissociaDID, Multiplicity and Me, Entropy system and Bobo and Co
29. Systems in the media?
We could write a novel on this topic seriously. To sum it up very briefly, systems are negatively depicted in the media for entertainment reasons and this is damaging to those who actually have DID because of the stigma is supports. Mental health is so heavily stigmatized compared to physical health and its disgusting to think about.
30. Daily life?
In day to day functioning things can be quite challenging. Agreeing on if we have breakfast, what we should eat if we do and if we want to actually get out of bed to make breakfast always causes internal conflict. And when haven't even started the day at that point. Everything we do has to be discussed with at least one other alter because of co-consciousness or switches. Things often get forgotten about or ignored, and things go missing all the time. I could have my whole day planned out and because one alter switches out, that whole plan can be gone. This makes chores, routine, exercise, hygiene and self care very challenging.
31. Your system?
I love all parts of my system. I often get asked if i could get rid of my DID and just be Jen, would i do it, and i wouldn't. While it would made my life easier and less complicated, i love all my alters as themselves and they have always been there for me, literally. I cant imagine waking up and not hearing them or feeling someone cocon, or just having unnecessary opinions on absolutely everything i do haha. They are part of who i am and without them i wouldn't have survived what i did. They saved my life. DID is hard and awful, but its also incredible.
And finally that is the end of this post. If you made it this far congrats haha. I hope that you enjoyed learning more about what it is like living with DID and having 10 people in your head. If you are also a system, have a great Multiplicity May and if you are not a system, share this with more singlets in hopes we can spread more awareness. Thank you so much for your continued support.
Jen xx
ความคิดเห็น