Our relationships with others are a key element of who we are seen to be. If we have strong and meaningful relationships with those around us then we may be seen as a loyal and caring person, compared to someone with poor relationships. One of the main relationships we have are romantic/sexual. These relationships are unique in the way that we can decide who we are in a romantic relationship with, but we can't choose out parents, siblings or even work colleagues.
In all relationships there is the chance that things will not work out and issues that can not be solved may arise. This can result in stress, unhappiness, infidelity, trust issues and ending the relationship in question. There are some key things that we can look out for in romantic and sexual relationships that act as warning signs that things won't end well. These can be called 'red flags'. I'm going to share 15 red flags that may be present in a romantic relationship. This is not a complete list, but covers some of the main things to look out for.
1. Controlling behaviour.
This can be anything including things like: telling you when you need to be home, picking outfits for you, or deciding who you can and can't talk to.
2. Humiliation.
This is typically done in front of spectators (their friends, people in public, etc), and involves them making fun of you in aim to make you feel insecure or embarrassed.
3. Guilt tripping.
This is a manipulation tactic that makes the victim feel helpless and depressed about the situations they are put in out of fear of upsetting or loosing their significant other.
4. Blackmail.
Often in romantic relationships you will share very personal information that your partner could decide to use against you so that they can have control over what you say or do.
5. Emotional manipulation.
This is a form of abuse and if you are experiencing manipulation it must be reported.
6. Blames you for their emotions.
Uses statements starting with 'you' in order to place blame onto you rather than themselves. The may say things like "You are making me angry", rather than, "I'm really frustrated".
7. Violent actions.
Physical Violence is abusive behaviour and must be reported to the police. Call 000 or 911.
8. Un-consensual activities.
This includes things like forcing you to go to the movies with them even though you want to stay home, all the way to more serious incidents like, rape or sexual harassment.
9. Picking fights.
Always finding something that they can yell at you about is defiantly a sign that they do not want to be part of the relationship and things could escalate into more abusive behaviours.
10. Points our your flaws.
Telling you that your hair is messy, you get too stressed, you cry too much, you have acne, you are strange, you are an outcast, you look fat, you are crazy, or other insults.
11. Demanding.
They demand that you spend time with them over others and become the only thing in your life so that they remain focus of your attention.
12. Constantly talking about Ex's.
Negative talk about Ex's is never a good sign. Yes mentioning past experiences and occasionally talking about old relationships is normal, but if that's all the talk about then its time to leave.
13. Co-dependance.
They act like they can't do a single thing without you and act like the second that you are gone their whole world is ending. This is very manipulative and controlling.
14. Problem Dumping.
Telling you all of their issues in a manner that makes you feel worse than they do. Now both of your are upset and vulnerable and that's not helping anyone.
15. Poor communication.
Not making any effort to talk to you or be apart of your life unless it suits them. This can be ignoring phone calls until they need your help. \
If you have any of these things happening in your relationship then its probably best for you to leave. A relationship is meant to improve your outlook on life, not make you feel worse. If you feel that you are in need of emergency assistance then please call the police where you live and ask for help. If you need someone to talk to you can visit the 'help' section of my website (I will provide the direct link: https://diaryofapsychoblog.wixsite.com/home/index ), for some resources and phone numbers that may be helpful.
I hope that you have an amazing day and thank you for reading.
Jen xx
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