Hello everyone it is great to be back and able to post. I managed to get my computer fixed and i will be posting as normal again. I hope you are all doing well and having a great day/night. This post will be my top 10 tips for those with social anxiety or social phobia. I am not a mental health professional but i do have social anxiety and would like to share some of the things that have helped me improve. I hope you enjoy this post and it is helpful to you.
1.Hidden Grounding
Grounding is crucial for those with anxiety disorders as it gives your mind a way to focus on the present situation rather than overthink the future or dwell on past events. Typically grounding techniques may not be easy to use in public or when talking to people, which is already really hard for those with social anxiety. and the thought of having to do these obvious techniques can make the anxiety worse. Techniques such as deep breathing, fidget items, and blowing bubbles aren't exactly great for mid conversation. To insure you are saying grounded without people knowing you can try and tense different parts of the body. Try clench your toes if you have shoes on, this way people wont be able to see what you are doing. One thing that i found very helpful was to tense your thighs or bum. People cant see what you are doing but the muscle clenches are enough to keep yourself grounded and calm.
2. Easy eye contact
For those with social anxiety, simple things like holding eye contact can be nearly impossible. A simple trick to make it look like you are giving eye contact is to look at the space between a persons eyes or eyebrows. You will look like you are listening more attentively and looking in he person eyes, when you aren't. this can make you feel less awkward and keep you calm. I found this most helpful when talking to important people like teachers or co-workers.
3. Tell people you are nervous
More often than not, if you let someone know that you are anxious they will be more understanding. If you are hanging out with friends in a crowed place and you feel yourself getting worked up, just tell one of them that you are uncomfortable and they should suggest that they leave with you for a few minutes or try to make you feel more comfortable. If you are at a job interview or meeting and feel anxious, by telling your boss or whoever it is, that you are nervous you are potentially making room for them to be more casual and calm with you.
4. Make a joke of a bad situation
If you have just said or done something that has embarrassed you or make your anxiety high, the best thing to do is to take attention away from what you did and make it out like you where joking or did something on purpose. I did this a lot in school. If you fall over or drop something, point out that you did it and over react so people will laugh with you rather than at you. It can also make people think you are funny so that is a plus haha.
5. Be rational
Sometimes our anxiety can trick us into thinking that everyone remembers every single thing we say or do and every little mistake. Pick someone at random, maybe a kid on your bus, or a coworker, or maybe someone who you walked past earlier. Now you try an list every mistake that they ever made. You cant. This proves that these random mistakes or embarrassing moments cant hurt you. People wont even remember them. While you are worrying about people thinking you are stupid for tripping over, they moved on fro that 2 minutes after it happened. Everyone is too focused on their own lives to spend time thinking about how you walked into a pole 2 years ago, so maybe you can move on too.
6. Practice situations before they happen
I was scared to go on a public bus to the point of crying and shaking when thinking about it. I had to catch the bus to get to college (TAFE), so i needed to get past this. A few weeks before my classes started my partner practiced with me. We did the exact situation that would happen, walked to the bus stop, got on, payed the drier, sat down, and got off at the right stop. We then did the same coming home. This happened again a week before my classes and then i was feeling much more comfortable and safe to do it on my own when i had to. Some days where harder than others like when i didn't have correct change, or i dropped my 20 cents on the floor, or when i sat next to someone super chatty. But i still did it and its all thanks to those practice runs.
7. Have a plan B
Always have a way home or someone to call when you go out. This can make you feel safe knowing that if you have a panic attack or get stressed out, you can get home safely and quickly. A good plan B can also be for if you are meeting someone new, a difficult family member, a date, or new friend, have someone you know go to the same place. Having someone in the background, who is able to watch over you and sweep in if need be, can be very very comforting. My old therapist told me to never go to a first date alone. It can be scary and make you nervous, but also be dangerous. Arrange for the first few dates to be public and maybe as a double date if possible. This way if things start getting out of hand your plan B can be that your friend will be there to help you stay safe.
8. Self care
For those with social anxiety there is only so much socializing we can do before becoming mentally and emotionally drained. After going out or a phone call, take some time to relax and do something you enjoy. This can help you calm down and also keep you mind busy so that you don't overthink what you said or did that day.
9. Wear comfortable clothing
Tight and small clothing can be restricting and hard to breath in. When doing something out of your comfort zone it is best to wear loose and flowy outfits so that there isn't any pressure on your stomach and you can breath more comfortably. Trust me, a panic attack while wearing tight jeans and blouse isn't a pleasant time. I suggest some soft pants and a flowy top. Skirts are also a big no if you tend to worry about wind and flashing people.
10. Positive self talk
Anxiety has its ways of making us doubt our abilities and strengths. When you start to feel yourself getting worked up try to remind yourself that it will be okay. By saying things like, 'you can do this', 'i know its scary but i am safe', 'just a little longer, then i can go home', and 'this will be okay', you are acknowledging how you feel while making it positive. This can make you feel a bit better and give you some time to think about how you are safe and it will be alright. Everything is temporary, even the most uncomfortable of situations, just wait it out and it will be over soon.
So i hope this tips are helpful. I have used these for years and my anxiety has improved drastically. I have also been in therapy for my social anxiety and found that super helpful. I would highly suggest that you seek medical help for your anxiety as you many have some other underling issues making it worse. There is medications out there to treat anxiety and i have been on anti-depressants for my anxiety and depression for a few years now.
Thank you for reading and supporting me. Keep smiling :)
Jen xx
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