This post will be a little different as its completely personal and isn't for awareness or education specifically. If you aren't interested than I am sorry and I hope you find what you are looking for.
This isn't some sick way of bragging about my past or experiences. This is my way of getting everything out safely. You may know some of these things already, but you may not know any. I don't know how many I will write at this point and I haven't planned this.
I wish people knew these things but that I didn't tell them or have the long awkward conversations that come with it.
TW: se*f h*rm and su*ci*e
1. I have 5 diagnosed mental illnesses that impact my life everyday.
2. I have survived childhood abuse of various kinds and by many people.
3. I have 9 personality states or alters.
4. Most of my family have depression and anxiety.
5. I trusted the wrong people and made mistakes.
6. I have been to about 10 schools in my life and was bullied at every single one.
7. My depression gets worse when I least expect it and makes even showers or getting dressed difficult.
8. I feel alone but I know I'm not.
9. I get scared of everything all the time.
10. I blog to help others and clear my mind.
11. I have DID as a result of childhood trauma.
12. I have been to court.
13. I am Pansexual.
14. I'm super geeky and weird but that's okay.
15. I use to self harm and still have thoughts of doing it again.
16. I use to hate myself. I don't now.
17. I'm insecure.
18. I'm not as innocent as some may think.
19. My first kiss was with another girl.
20. I get too angry from holding everything in and take it out on my favourite people and it hurts me.
21. My dad tried to kill himself 5 times.
22. Some days I wish I could be eaten by the world.
23. I was sent death threats by nearly my whole grade in school.
24. I have not and will never cheat on someone.
25. I have been subject to peer pressure.
26. Taylor Swift is my favourite singer for more than the break up songs.
27. Despite my social anxiety I love concerts and conventions.
28. I'm lactose intolerant but addicted to chocolate.
29. I have a past of anorexia and bulimia.
30. I am a "normal" person and get scared, angry, upset and happy like everyone else.
31. I am stronger because of my past.
32. I miss people, places and things of the past.
33. I have goals and dreams.
34. Mental health is where my passion lies and if I can help others then I will.
35. I hate when people joke about mental illness.
36. I cry alone in the dark for no reason sometimes.
37. I am doing my best.
38. I take medication.
39. I am in a very healthy and happy relationship.
40. No matter how happy I seem I still have depression and I'm hurting.
41. I have a youtube channel that is an escape from mental illness rather than about it.
42. I have improved drastically.
43. I love cute fluffy toys.
44. I use to be suicidal.
45. My family members abused me. (not all of them)
46. I like both video games and make up.
47. I have a disorder that I don't full understand.
48. I had a boy-band phase.
49. I am very moody and a bit of a mess.
50. I'm sorry for everything.
So, to be honest with you that actually made me feel a lot better. 50 confessions later and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted. Seriously all of you should do this hahaha. I hope you learned something from this and maybe connected with me over some things that I wrote. Thank you to everyone reading this as it truely means so much to me. I love you guys.
Jen xx
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