I have had a few questions related to this topic and have been asked to make this post for a little while, so here it goes. I just want to say quickly that I am very dissociated while writing this but I really need to make a post as this is the first time that I have missed a weekly upload and I feel really guilty so I am sorry if this post is a bit all over the place but what can you do. DID problems am I right...
Youtube has become a great place to find videos about nearly every single topic. This includes mental health related topics. Videos can get so many views and likes instantly and it is easier to get traffic on a YouTube channel than a private website. So why did I decide to make a blog over a YouTube channel? Why don't I just upload videos instead of writing long posts?
I have always loved writing and the way you can manipulate words into something beautiful and meaningful. I have tried to have a blog a few times in the past but wouldn't keep up with it or would decide that I didn't like what was writing about. I would try to write what I thought people would want to read and what people could laugh along with. That was never what I wanted to do and that was why they never worked out in the past.
I made a YouTube channel full of videos that I liked watching such as make up videos, challenges, tag videos, and funny relatable content. I haven't uploaded on there in a long time and have about 2 uploads an year. This, once again, is because of the fact that I wasn't making content that I wanted to be making. I was putting out the typical YouTube content and that isn't who I am or what I want to be seen as.
I began this blog, 'Diary of a "Psycho", at the beginning of 2019 and have actually been posting what I want to post without thinking about what the mass majority of people would like to read. Most people now don't even have the energy to read blogs as they are so use to the instant satisfaction of a YouTube video. Because of me choosing a written blog on my own website I know that I am not getting as many views as I would on YouTube but I just don't want to post videos that are easy to watch and give instant satisfaction to viewers because the topics that I am talking about are not meant to be easy. They are not meant to be understood in a 10min video with fancy editing and jump cuts.
I write about things that I want people to think about, do further research on and remember after reading it rather than watching a video and moving on. Reading something keeps your mind engaged and focused more than a video that you dissociate through. I am definitely not saying that blogging is better than YouTube because that is not the case. I am just saying that my style of content and the way I discuss these topics are better suited to a written article over a video.
Editing videos also adds stress to me that I can do without. As someone with DID I have many voices in my head with many different opinions on how something should be done. When it comes to videos and editing I have found that something as simple as background music can cause a huge internal debate and that is just something that I can do without. Writing and editing a text is something that only interests me (Jen), and as a result when I am writing, the internal dialogue of my alters just shuts down and I can be alone with my thoughts and ideas.
It is very easy for people to find videos on YouTube and channels on YouTube. This was putting me off making videos about my mental health because it would be so easy for those videos to be in the wrong hands. That was not a risk that I was or am comfortable with. By having an instagram that I can block accounts on and a private blog on my own website that I can control it limits the risk of something bad happening.
I feel that I communicate more confidently through my writing. I think that if I where to try and film myself discussing these topics I would be a lot more vulnerable and anxious which wouldn't be a great thing for discussing such important topics.
I also wanted to talk about the 'switch caught on camera' stuff because obviously that isn't something that effects a blog. If I switch while writing a blog post no one can tell or see that because as I said earlier, I am the only one really interested in writing and as a result, the other alters wouldn't write here and the blog post would just get postponed until I switched back. I still feel venerable and embarrassed by switches, even around people I know, so its very good that I don't have to deal with switching on video and having to upload it because of needing the content to upload. So, a blog is just safer for me personally.
I wanted to start a blog about mental health because I want to contribute to breaking the stigma around mental illness and more specifically, DID. I felt that my ability to write would be wasted if I didn't use it for something good. I feel that I am making positive impact with every one of my posts. I want to make a difference and show people that they are not alone while educating others about these disorders.
I hope that I answered any questions that you had about why I made a blog over a YouTube channel and hat this made enough sense haha. I hope that you guys are having an amazing day and I love you guys so much.
Jen xx
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